New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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