So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Drake has all the answers
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
