My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
