i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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