remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
So. Much. Porn.
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