No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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