May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
