Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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