I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
