it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
