you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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