Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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