Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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