ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
