Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
