If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
