because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
