I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
