ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
