i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
