Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
