You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
