Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
