I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
