I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
