Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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