I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
