Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
vagina is talking i cant
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
