I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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