He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
