i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Randomize
