I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
