I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
