I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
