maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You've changed since you got that strap on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
