All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
how can u be prego again
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
