I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
