burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
