i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Congratulations! We have a period
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