Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
