Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
