I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Houston, we have a squirter
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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