Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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