party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
