I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
