there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
