it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
