we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
