Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
