I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
