just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize