dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
