So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A+ Viking dick
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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