Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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