is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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