So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
