it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
