Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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