if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
