I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
