If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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