Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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