If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
two words...techno handjob
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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