My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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