i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize