the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
