I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
