my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
