you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
