saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
