I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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