Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize