Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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