Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
