super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
