your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
