High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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